Earlier this week, my son and I had a massive argument because after begging me to join something, he’d approached me to quit after having tried it for only several hours. He wanted to quit because he thought it was too hard, but more, felt intimated by others whom he thought were of better caliber. My initial reaction fell into ‘wtf’ territory and as imagined, didn’t go over well.
It was several hours before I’d calmed down enough to try to see things from his perspective, so I approached him, this time, to explain the value of not quitting, and because he’d not reached the same level of calm, he asked me to leave him alone.
It was several more hours before I’d looked at things from the perspective of, “What does he need from me, and what can I give to make a difference?”
I approached him again and tested the temperature of his emotions, and he was ready to talk. I told him that if he wanted to quit, and that if what he’d joined wasn’t his passion, he should instead pursue whatever he believed that to be and that whatever he chose to do, he would not fail as long as he did not quit.
I gave him an example of my working longer hours than others in the same position. Because I wasn’t at the level required, or because like him, I believed others were of better caliber. I told him that success comes from doing the work, faking it til you make it, and believing more in who you know you can be, than in who you think other people are.
When I was done talking, he didn’t have much to say except that he was unsure and would think about it. He came to me that evening to tell me he wasn’t going to quit.
Tonight I watched him perform, and only he and I know what it meant. He doesn’t fully understand why I push, and that’s okay. Eventually, he will learn that Mom is more Yield than Stop sign and whether he appreciates it or not is irrelevant, because when called, it is my responsibility to be both, as an undercurrent of green light encouragement.
As I listened, I was overcome with emotion and thoughts of the man I love flooded me. He once told me that my children should have been his, and at the time, I didn’t understand the statement, nor did I ask what it meant. At the time, I just wanted to kiss him, and still, now, I want to kiss him.
There was synchronicity of sound that led me to believe he was next to me, and that he understood the gravity of what the music meant to all of us. I wanted to share that moment with him, and I think I did.
He’s in every song I hear, and I can’t explain it, but it’s his love that cheers me on, in an undercurrent of spiritual green light encouragement.
I hope he feels the same about the ways I cheer for him.