V 2 C

Dear C.,

My friend said I wouldn’t recognize it when I smelled it, so said he’d let me in on a little secret.

This was after I shared with him a conversation I had with my son.

It took him and me three hours of us talking to find his spot. We all have one, that when touched makes us forget all reason and lose our shit. It isn’t the ‘pushing buttons’ spot, it’s the one you never talk about, or even let on exists cause you can’t function in its exposure and when it is exposed, it wears the cloak of anger 100% of the time.

I ended our conversation with advice, of course. Be forewarned, on occasion, I use the word fuck with my kids. It’s for effect, and it works.

“If you forget everything else we discussed, remember what I’m telling you now. You have recent experience of a friend betraying you to reference, so stand in that emotion for just a second. After a few weeks of tears and anger, you forgave him. Now stand in that emotion for a second. What you feel is Peace, which is the combination of Forgiveness and Love. Everyone you meet without exception will test your resolve, so you must have a resolve to test. Do not allow others’ opinions to mold or encourage you to take a side someone else stands on because no matter how lovely a side might seem, no one’s vantage point will ever be as beautiful as your own. Your main challenge in life will be to hold onto Forgiveness and Love above everything and everyone else. Always use your intuition. As of today, I’m the most peaceful person you know, and while this may feel counter to your current emotions or mean little to nothing to you at this moment, rest assured that when your mama is digging up soil and breaking the sound barrier, it’s to uncover bullshit and sing it back home. I might look crazy as fuck doing it, but we are individually responsible for leveling out the foundations of Peace. The cost of being misunderstood in the process is the price everyone must pay, so focus on knowing you, not trying to understand me. I love you and will die for you. That’s all you need to know about Mom today.”

Emotions are why parents occasionally find comfort in wearing armor. Though we’re cut from the same cloth, we can’t meet our children at the parenting party wearing the same outfit, and even when Love is the called upon dress code, parents must wear something sheer to counter the solid their child will undoubtedly select.

My child opened up to some things he wasn’t proud of before the conversation ended, and it was then that the sheerness of my dress was activated. Sometimes a child needs to have visual confirmation that actions deemed ‘wrong’ are not a thing, nor does it need to stay in the body or the room. They need to see it flow through so that when they’re older, hopefully they find discomfort in wearing the solids of childhood. Whether they wear something lighter or not is their choice, but if we wear sheer with courage, we’ve at least illuminated them to options.

After talking about this with my friend, he wanted to share a story with me about the smell of fear. I’ll write about it another time though, cause I need to first figure out why he’s not using the incense I gave him.

Yours Always In Love,