“Oh how I wish I’d known who you were before I…”

This is the sentiment I once had when thinking on a past marriage but I’m not alone as there are others who have the same sentiment when thinking upon past and current relationships. Yet we can’t truly be aware of another until finding awareness within.

When we come into marriage with another we stand face to face and holding hands as our embrace hangs imminent before an expectant crowd.

When we fall out of union with another we again stand face to face but instead hold our hands as shields prepared for battle as a crowd once unified splits in order to cheer our wins or losses as grief takes center field.

When I was a young girl, a teenager and young woman there were many that approached me for my body but I’d decided my body was off limits because for many years I believed those that approached me were hopelessly flawed in their desires and deficient within their souls.

One day it was shown to me how unaware of my own desires I’d been and how deeply I’d buried the natural urge to attune with another soul, that the hopeless desire and deficiency was actually within me.

If we look deeply enough into the regrets of past or present we might find that it wasn’t others but ourselves we didn’t know and if so this might be the truer regret yet if we look deeper still we might see the love within us has long fought to break the false surfaces of who we’ve become, who we’ve once needed to be to protect our heart’s natural desire to love and be loved and that we built those surfaces because we were taught that our nature itself was the deficiency and battle rather than the desire and embrace.

My wish is that we see our nature no longer needs protection, that in a lifetime the battle was only hours, that embracing the desires of our heart leads us to the corridor that unifies our souls and frees us from the anxieties of pondering the intentions of others because in knowing ourselves we know them.