When results were less than desirable he questioned his efforts, the cost of his time, the investment of his mind, body and soul because this world had not paid the price and he began to wonder if he would die in debt to his soul.
She’d felt such pain with the circumstances in her life that she threw in the towel and said to herself,
“I can’t do this on my own and am tired of trying. Things are falling apart, I am falling apart and understanding refuses to allow my capture so I’ll let all fall away and surrender.”
Yet again she’d told herself a lie because she had no idea how not to fight darkness, no idea how not to fight at all. Nor did she know how to stand unmoving in the silence of fear, allow it to undress her and reveal the bruises she’d been giving herself until she realized he was still in her heart and working day and night to give her the courage to undress even as he remained clothed.
Her pain and his more clearly revealed itself as things continued to fall away to illuminate the spaces required for their dreams to live outside of their minds.
Meanwhile she could not escape the energy of him so used all of hers to know his heart more deeply but unsuccessful she again threw in the towel and said to herself,
“I can’t do this on my own and I’m tired of trying. Things have cleared, I am naked, my heart is open and the effort to know what is not to be known has become self-mutilation so I surrender.”
She’d told herself a lie because she didn’t stop looking until finding him very much where he’d always been. He’d burrowed in her heart and it was the reason that the energy of him never left. She surrendered to surrendering as she instead worked to clean her heart, that he never question his welcoming even when she stepped past him invisible to his presence, that he find it decorated with undying love even when rounded mirrors met his doubt, that he know his place in their family and recognize that it’s because of him they haven’t given up and continue to work as a team.
She can’t help but wonder how tangible her words will one day be, how the fantasies of their bodies and lives together might play out. She knows with unexplained confidence that regardless the energy that drives her to states of unbridled lust, unspoken desire and childlike joy, the truth keeps him safe in her heart as passionate love she no longer questions leaves her forever indebted to his soul.